Why
by Blueraingurl
Summary: Inuyasha does not understand why, until he feels the beating of Kagome's heart. [Oneshot]


Disclaimer: I do not own Inu Yasha.

A/N: Warning, two swear words . . . I revised this a little but still have trouble with the tenses, if you see any blaring mistakes review and tell me. Also I love feedback so review, thanks.

Happy New Year everyone! ^_^

Title: _Why_

Emotions ran sporadically across the hanyou's face. Night was approaching and Inu-Yasha felt restless. He couldn't sleep, again.

He didn't know why he felt what he felt. He was confused. He was confused about his feelings. Sometimes it felt like his heart was ripping and other times it felt like his heart would burst with joy. But he wasn't used to these kinds of emotions. It was almost alien-

Too alien-

Inu Yasha, never felt this way before, he had almost with Kikyou but . . . 

too much distrust,

too much pain came along in their relationship.

It filtered his mind and heart even now-

Kikyou was nearby, he knew-

She would often observe Inu Yasha when she thought he wasn't looking but he knew.

Just like how he knew when Kagome beheld him wistfully-

Kagome was light-

While, Kikyou was dark.

Both represented what he was-

They represented his inner struggle.

Sure, he may have seemed mindless, even dumb-

But he knew to an extent that both became existential as breathing air into his lungs.

Kikyou was kikyou

Kagome was kagome.

He needed both but he couldn't have both. To have one would be giving up on the other.

This was where his mind and heart fought.

He couldn't let go of the past-

But he didn't want to lose the present.

And so . . .

Day by day-

Without him realizing it-

He started to fall into . . .

His feelings started to grow for Kagome-

However, it was very unlike him.

Inu Yasha trusted only Inu Yasha.

He couldn't trust his brother, the flea, Sango, Shippou, Kagome.

Kagome?

His friends?

He had made friends-

Yet something about his ingrain perceptions- 

he was unwilling to let his barriers down.

But Kagome . . .

She kept breaking down his barrier.

She brought so much light into his heart-

Even though he couldn't admit it.

So without him knowing,

he waited for her to return to the bone-eaters well.

He wanted to be with her longer. He needed her presence.

Her smile brought a smile to his face.

Her touch sent thousands of sensations through his body.

Her scent alone twisted his heart.

Then, he began to . . .

He began to realize the little things that Kagome would do.

Like the way her nose would crinkle when she smiled.

Like the way her eyes were a window to her soul.

And then,

He noticed she had this sad look in her eyes when she looked at him-

She cried for him.

When he was caught in the spider's web-

Her eyes, 

Her face-

It showed him-

It reflected Kagome's heart to him.

He didn't understand it then, he still can't comprehend the magnitude of her feelings but Inu Yasha knew; he knew that Kagome was starting to feel something deeper for him.

That was why he had tried to distance himself from her these past few days-

He knew he would have to eventually hurt her-

It was better now then later.

It was better making Kagome understand that he could never return her feelings, when his emotions were in such disarray. 

With his resolution, Inu Yasha fell into a fitful slumber.

------------

Morning awoke the sleeping hanyou. But the morning dew was not what caused his senses to be alert. Before he opened his eyes, he knew there was someone hiding in the shadows.

Kikyou looked at Inu Yasha with sadness- _of what could never be. _Then sensing his awakening, _'please don't call my name Inu-Yasha again, please let me remember you like this'._

"Kikyou," he whispered as his eyes opened.

Her icy hatred grabbed hold of her heart once again as she looked at the hanyou, "I will take you to hell with me, don't ever forget that". She left.

__

'Yes, hell is all I deserve,' Inu Yasha felt resigned to his fate-

-------------

"Inu Yasha, is something wrong?" Kagome whispered. She had noticed Inu Yasha's mood swings over the past few days. Sometimes she thought he wanted to say something to her but he never did. He didn't seem able to articulate. Mostly resulting in him grunting at her- or just a few syllables asking where the next jewel shard was. _'Yes, jewel shards, that's all she could be to Inu Yasha- she had been constantly reminded of her position in his heart the past few days'._ But it didn't matter to Kagome, as long as he still needed her. 

Kagome knew there was more to Inu Yasha's strange behavior but she didn't want to pry. She trusted him- it didn't matter because she would always trust him.

"Feh," Inu Yasha grunted.

"It's okay if you need to talk, I'm here for you," Kagome lightly placed her hand on his right arm.

"Don't touch me, bitch" with his statement he left. A tear slid down Kagome's face, _'its okay I'm okay' _she chanted.

-------------

Night approached swiftly. Kagome couldn't sleep. She went to a nearby pond, settled herself down on the ground.

Tears welled up-

Kagome couldn't hold it in anymore-

They had almost collected all the shards and her time was running up in this era.

Pretty soon, she would have to leave-

Yes, leave-

This place that she had fallen in love with-

The friends she had made along the way.

And, Inu Yasha-

The person that she had fallen in love with.

The person, who made her happy, yet at the same time broke her heart.

But she knew that she couldn't, that she didn't have a place in his heart-

Only Kikyou,

She was the only one that Inu Yasha wanted.

She was the only one that he would allow to enter, together in hell-

They will be together in hell.

But Kagome didn't want Inu Yasha to go to hell-

He had been through enough, too many scars.

She wanted to heal his heart, mend his heart because she loves him that much.

But Kagome still felt a little hurt about this morning. Inu Yasha had cringed away from her touch. She disgusted him.

She felt weary. Her heart was in pain . . .

She welcomed the sleep that was about to take her.

Inu Yasha was in deep thought again, _'it's going to be a restless night'._

He didn't even notice that Kagome had disappeared.

Until he felt a chilly breeze brush against him.

__

'Where is she? Is she hurt? Damn woman,' he thought when he noticed that Kagome was not in her sleeping bag. He went to search for her. He wasn't prepared for the heartbreaking sight of Kagome crunched on the cold dirt by a pond, apparently she had fallen asleep.

"She feels cold," he whispered noting her shivering body as he lifted her up into his arms. Then he smelled her- she smelled salty. She had been crying, alone . . . he felt pain starting to overcome his senses. The only person that could have made her cry was probably he. No one would hurt Kagome- only him, even Kouga wouldn't make Kagome cry.

Guilt was starting to edge into his heart, _'You know Kagome- I cannot admit this when you are awake because its hard for me to overcome my pride but having you in my arms like this, I just want you to know that I'm sorry'._

"Inu Yasha," Kagome murmured and smiled in her dreams.

__

'If only for tonight, I want you next to me,' Inu Yasha picked up Kagome's sleeping bag and brought it far away from the camp. He then wrapped Kagome into his arms and held her- he fell into a comfortable slumber with Kagome next to him.

---------

Kagome woke up with the wildest feeling. It felt like she was dreaming that Inu Yasha was holding her, saying the sweetest things- telling her that he was sorry for hurting her. 

__

'So much warmth,' Kagome felt human warmth as she sat up. 

When she looked down, she was beyond surprised. Inu Yasha- she had been in his arms, in her sleeping bag- together. They were together.

__

'You're really beautiful sleeping,' Kagome brushed away a strand of white hair from his face. _'You're skin is very soft too'._

Inu Yasha stirred. His eyes opened suddenly. Kagome withdrew her hand as if she was on fire, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you . . . knowing how much you cringe from my touch, I'm sorry".

Confused, he was confused. He had felt the sweetest touch- and was greeted by heaven of Kagome's eyes, and then suddenly 

BAM- 

Kagome took her hand away from his face and apologized.

Then he suddenly realized what made her react this way, yesterday-.

"Kagome, I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean what I meant yesterday- your touch doesn't offend me, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry" he started.

Kagome stared at him with wide eyes.

"But this conversation that we are having right now makes me realize that I cannot prolong this any longer. I have to say this so that I cannot hurt you again . . . I need you to know that, whatever you are feeling of me or for me- you need to let that go, I could never return your feelings. Not when . . . Kikyou- there is just too much . . . I could never return your feelings Kagome," he whispered with finality.

"Inu Yasha," Kagome took a breath to still her heart and tried to articulate her feelings to Inu Yasha, "my feelings are of my own. In loving you, I never expected anything more from you. I would never do that to you- and I know about Kikyou, I do not want you to choose between us because no matter what- no matter what I trust you," Kagome stated strongly. She hadn't meant to reveal her love for him but for some strong reason she knew she had to say this now or she would never get the chance again.

Inu Yasha was confused again, he had been right about Kagome's growing feelings for him but he was confused again. 

He knew he felt something for Kagome, maybe even love but . . . he couldn't, he didn't know how to love- and for Kagome to be so caring, so trusting of him was giving him hope- a hope of true love, a love that reached beyond his barriers. 

"Why? Why are you saying this? Why do you feel this way for me? I don't understand Kagome, please help me understand," he said suddenly.

"There is no reason, except that I love you," Kagome took Inu Yasha's hand and placed it against her heart, "and that is enough for me. If you cannot love me in return, that is okay because my heart will beat- this love for you will still beat for you Inu- No matter your decision, whether or not you choose Kikyou, my heart will still beat for you".

Inu Yasha removed his hand from her heart . . . 

he brought his head closer to Kagome and then placed his ears to her beating heart. 

"I think I'm beginning to understand, what this thing called love is . . . Kagome . . . thank you. There are still too many things in my mind but I will never forget what you have told me".

Inu Yasha then placed Kagome's hand into his palm.

He noticed that they fitted perfectly into his own.

*******

The first sunlight of the morning appeared on the horizon. It promised new beginnings to a new day for the feudal era and its occupants. 


End file.
